BEE Happy!!

Living with Purpose

When I was a little girl, I would spend hours planning my life...right down to the decor. Oh yes, I would read the Sears and JcPenny's catalog from cover to cover, designing every detail of my house and my life. Of course, I was going to marry a doctor, live in a HUGE house, have 4 children (2boys and 2 girls to be precise), vacation all over the world, and live the life of luxury. I *just knew* this was how my life would be :) right down to the bedding on my bed, oh yes, you heard me right, in my hours of catalogue perusing I even picked the exact bedding I would one day purchase. Thankfully for me, God had His own plans, His own path, His own direction for my life. Some changes are great...like marrying my fabulous best friend and partner, Tim (who happens to not be a doctor, but he is the best husband and daddy I could ever ask for), others were an adjustment, like being a working momma and living in a small house. Once I took the time to embrace the gifts God has given me, I was able to sit back and appreciate my need to work and my loving, tiny home. The hardest change for me to *adjust* to is the loss of my child, my baby, my daughter. I know I will never be the same....never be the happy-go-lucky person I was before Leah, before her death, her delivery, her birth into heaven. BUT, just because I am not the same person, does not mean that I cannot find joy and purpose in my life. The road may not be my road of choice, it may be scary, it may be lonely...but it does still have some beautiful places for me to visit...some purpose. I will NEVER EVER EVER fully understand the purpose of my pain, heartbreak, and sadness...but I hope to continue to see God's hand in the artwork, His touch in my life, His purpose in my pain.

And today I did...I saw His hand, His touch, His purpose. And it was beautiful!!!

See, had my life remained on "my path" I would be the mama of 3 girls, all of whom would be placing demands on my time and attention. I would be on maternity leave. I would be trying to figure out how I am going to balance 3 kids and my job. I would be preparing for my return to work...dragging my feet because I would be predicting an overload...I would walk into work with my body but not my heart and soul...I would be a teacher without passion...without joy...without purpose...because I would be a mama trying to find her balance in life...trying to figure out how to survive the demands of children and the demands of work. I know that I would have been in this phase for awhile...although I do predict that I would have snapped out of it eventually...but I know I would not have taken on the responsibilities that I have taken on...I know that I would not have the enthusiasm and spirit that I do have....I would not have my purpose.

Today I found my purpose...because this summer when I was trying to find my new kind of normal...my joy and my passion, I made a vow to put my heart, soul, joy, and love into my job. I made a vow to embrace the path God has placed me on...to embrace His purpose...and today I found out that He has a great purpose for me!! A purpose filled with joy, smiles, laughter, love, compassion, and fun. Today I helped the student council host their first ever Play Day for all of the students at our school. It was hard work...I was tired...I was ready to collapse...but I didn't!! Because the smiles, laughter, and joy on the faces of the kids and their parents recharged my batteries...and gave me PURPOSE!! God knew I needed to be here today...not on maternity leave....nope!! He needed me here!! And I was...and I am so thankful to the people who took the time out of their lives to share this day with me. My dearest friends who ran around with me today, who helped me make this day special, who were present for the smiles, the love, the joy....who embraced my purpose...I thank you!! This road I am on is not a solo road...nope. Along my journey I meet friends and stranger who touch my life...my heart...my soul and they fill me up with the strength and courage I need to face another day. Thank You for giving my daughter Leah Faith purpose...thank you for giving my life purpose...thank you for be "present" in the good times, the bad times, the hard times, the fun times....Thank you for allowing me to find my purpose!!

A little Sunday sweetness from the Davis girls!!

Where there is love and laughter

there is happiness! Thank you to my dear sweet husband, TIm, and dear friends for filling my evening with the love and laughter I needed to make it through my day. I thank God every day for the blessings he has placed in my life...my girls, my hubby, my family, my friends...without whom I would not be able to smile, laugh, love!!

Sweet baby, Leah Faith Davis, please know that not a moment goes by that I do not think of you, love you, long for you, miss you. You will ALWAYS be my daughter...my sweet baby girl, my baby I prayed for, loved, and nurtured. My baby I lost way too soon!! I thank God everyday for choosing me to be your mama...because you have blessed my life beyond words. You are my daughter...my third baby girl, and I love you beyond words...beyond everything. Soar with Jesus, dance with Jesus...I can only imagine....I love you LEAH FAITH DAVIS....It's all about LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE....

6 Months Ago...

Today. I became a mama of three beautiful girls. My heart and life were changed forever. My faith was tested. My life was challenged. My world was rocked. My baby was born. still. still. still. She was born still. quiet. sleeping. She was born into heaven where she dances with Jesus. 6 months ago...Today.

I should be folding laundry...

but of course I'm not!! The computer, a glass of wine, and the sweet sounds of lullaby music drifting from the girls' room is to big of a distraction for me!! My favorite day of the week is tomorrow...not because it is Friday. Oh no...because I have those Thank God it's Monday moments...Nope, my TGIF is because tomorrow is the day that order returns to our house. It is the day that my house will be "presentable" at a moments notice. The day the laundry will be folded...the HUGE pile of clothes on my bed, and dresser, and TIm's dresser will be put away....

Why, you ask?!?! What is the big occasion?!?!

Tomorrow is the day....our FABULOUS housecleaner comes over...and she will have this house whipped into shape in no time!! Thank GOD for her...because otherwise we would have some serious problems!! Forget the laundry...Oh no! That would be the least of my problems. Nope...we would have a dust mite problem. Oh yeah. You read that right. WIthout Juanna in our lives we would probably never see clean sheets. Because...I am always able to find better things to do than clean my house. I am sure Tim did not marry me for beauty, looks, intelligence...or my house keeping skills!! Oh crap!! What did he marry me for??? Because, after all we know it wasn't my money, talent, or cooking! I better pick up a talent quick!!!

Cheers to a fabulous Friday with a clean house!!

Wordless Wednesday

When the going gets tough...the tough...

start crying! AND, I hate crying. I have cried many tears in the past 6 months, and I am tired of crying. Today I forgot to find my strength in the Lord. I forgot to turn to Him to carry me when the going got tough. I forgot to let His joy soar me through the storm. Forgot that I cannot do it alone....

When I returned to school this year, I made the choice to choose JOY. These past few weeks have been the hardest weeks because every morning I wake up knowing that I am not suppose to be going to work. Not suppose to get up, shower, and put my make-up on. I am supposed to be in my shlumpa'dinka clothes, enjoying my days on maternity leave. Yet, 6 months ago God had another plan for me, plan for my daughter Leah, plan for my family. A plan I really didn't want, really don't like, really struggle with everyday. And yet, no matter how much I kick and scream the reality of my life is never going to change. I am living a life I didn't want to live and trying to make the best of every moment. Sometimes it comes easily for me, sometimes the Joy just rolls out the red carpet creating a beautiful path for me to follow. And other days....well you know those days...the Joy hides behind the shadows, the storm clouds, the obstacles that have placed themselves in my path. It is at these times that I am "suppose" to call upon the Lord to give me the strength, the light, the map, the direction, the tools I need to rid the shadows, move the storm clouds, conquer the obstacles. And did I??? HELL NO!! Because I allowed the doubt of satan to creep into my being and cloud my vision, steal my Joy, fill myself with pity, doubt, and frustration, and bring the tears. TEARS I hate crying!!! This afternoon I was so mad...at myself for allowing satan that power over my life, my joy, my spirit.

As I sit here...hours later, filled with love and support from my family, I realize that this pain, sadness, and heartache were important in my growth. See, I got a little cocky...got a little settled...got a little rightous. And boy was that a mistake....and God "gently" knocked me upside the head and said..."Melissa, remember to rely on me, remember to call upon me when you are in need, remember that it is through ME that you will find Joy, Peace, and Hope. Not by your works alone, but through your faith in Me, your trust in Me, your walk with Me." And of course, I was just bouncing along thinking if I just filled my life with a million responsibilities, sharing my love for Jesus with my students, trying to bring Joy to my coworkers, try to bring what I think of as the "perfect amount of commitment to my job" to my coworkers...trying to show them what they can do with a little bit of time and commitment that I would be living His plan for my life. Yet today I realized I was SOOOOO wrong. God's plan for me is to turn to Him, call Him into my life every morning, ask Him to climb on my back and give me the strength I need to overcome all of the obstacles in my life. And if I have to walk that path with just God and I, bringing His love and Joy to the students at my school then I will...because THAT is the plan He has for me. Not the crazy person who was trying to cram things down people's throats hoping they will magically become a person with contagious enthusiasum. No, I need to be the quiet trailblazer walking with the Lord on my arm as I gently spead His love with others. The loudest voice is not always the one people hear. Lord, help me to find the voice You want me to share...the words You want me to say, the love You want me to give...and give me the humility I need to remind myself that I cannot do it alone...I need YOU in my life...my heart...my thoughts.

Lord, please give me Your strength as I face the upcoming days, as I face the days that lie ahead, as I embrace the 6 month anniversary of my beautiful daughter Leah Faith. Lord, give me the courage I need to allow the tears to fall...the tears of heartache that are consuming me right now. Lord, help me to remember YOUR words...Your promise....


Jeremiah 29:11 -
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Psalm 139:13, 14 –
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

Romans 15:13 -
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

TGIM

TGIM ~ Thank God it's Monday!! Oh yes, you read that correctly!! I can't believe I am writing this....for all eyes to see :) Thank God it's Monday!! Why do I love Monday?? Well, I absolutely LOVE my darling girls, LOVE being a mommy to 3 adorable and sweet girls, LOVE spending my days watching them grow, learn and wonder at the amazing creations God has given us....BUT, sometimes I get a little giddy at the prospect of returning to work :) Returning to a world still filled with whining, still filled with needy kids, still filled with fighting children...but the key to it is... they are not MY kids whining, being needy, or fighting. Yep, they may be mine during the school hours...but their are not MINE...my heart strings don't tug at their whines, neediness, or fighting. I can look them in the eyes and say "Save the drama for YOUR mama!!" That doesn't work with my girls because they look me in the eyes and say, "but you are our mama!!" So, after a beautiful weekend filled with many wonderful family moments (both the good kind like snuggly girls full of kisses and the bad kind like 2 girls at the zoo fighting over the one stroller we brought) I was a little giddy when I was picking up my delicious Starbucks on my way to work! Sometimes you just 'Gotta Love a Monday"!!
Many Blessings for a "Joy-filled" week.

*~*~*~May the God of peace fill your week with HOPE, LOVE, and JOY~*~*~*

Moonlight Run...

Last night was my second running race. This time I ran a 5k with my friend Brooke. She is my work-out sister, and we meet everyday at the gym. Of course Brooke is a good 6 minutes faster than me...but we had a great time warming up together and supporting each other in our endeavor. I am so thankful to have Brooke as a dear friend, confidant, motivator, and partner in crime. I know we will be making many fond memories as we complete the many races we have planned in our future!!!



Today is the day...the day my grandpa's ashes were laid to rest. My mom and her brother and sister drove many hours to the "family property" to lay grandpa's ashes to rest with my grandma's ashes. It is the moment in time where his life has come full circle. While I have confidence and faith in the knowledge that my grandma and grandpa are rejoicing in heaven in the arms of Jesus, it does bring me comfort to know that his ashes have been laid to rest in the place he chose...the place he laid his wife of 53 years to rest. I often think that maybe I will have the strength and courage to release my sweet baby Leah's ashes...but today is NOT that day!! I need her close to me....

Shameless solicitation plug!!!! Okay....it is finally my time, my time to beg and plead with you to purchase some over-priced "crap" in my attempt to watch my adorable daughter, Ella, successful achieve the "high-seller" status at school. Because....Friday was the official kick-off for our annual fundraiser! So, if you wish to purchase some Christmas wrap, holiday gifts, magazine subscriptions, or candy, please head to this link and buy something from Ella. Every dollar spent goes towards her fabulous school...and of course she will have the opportunity to win a crappy, happy-meal style toy that I could easily purchase at the Dollar Store. But of course, we all know that the sleazy salesmen who spend their days getting innocent, adorable children excited about hitting their friends and family up to purchase "crap" in their quest to win a prize, is way more convincing then mom and her credit card at Target. So alas, I am begging, pleading, and begging some more....buy some crap...for Ella :)

http://www.competitivepackaging.com/store/brochures.php?sID=red5438
Have a FABULOUS Sunday!!! We are hoping to hit the zoo with the girls...so look for some adorable photos coming soon!!

loss....

Yesterday a dear friend who was so excited for the future...lost her baby through a miscarriage. Once again those feeling inside me have come rushing towards the surface. Before my pregnancy with Ella, I experienced a miscarriage. Throughout the past 5 years I have held other friends as they have cried the same tears...tears of a miscarriage. And then....came the tears of a stillborn. A baby that I delivered in the hospital, held in my arms, and made the decision to say good-bye to. The hardest decision I ever made...the moment I told the nurse she could take my sweet Leah Faith, from my arms forever....but never from my heart. This most recent loss has me thinking...thinking about life. The moment we, as women, decide we want to 'try' for a baby we are hooked. Every sign of a period brings a heavy heart....every moment of a positive pregnancy test brings joy beyond measure. From the moment we see that positive...we become mothers. We begin the process of loving, nurturing, and caring for our baby. We plan our future....plant our dreams...build our lives...around that one stick...the stick we peed on. From that moment onward, we are mothers. And nothing will take that away. No words, no books, nothing will take that away. So when the heartache of a miscarriage or stillbirth creeps into our lives it not only brings sadness, it takes away our plans, our dreams, our lives. It is at that moment that we become a new person. A survivor....with a hole in our hearts that is going to forever hold the love we have for our baby...the one we never got to meet (and in many cases, never got to hold). No matter when it happens during your pregnancy, the pain is the same. Because the loss of a dream, the loss of baby is indescribable. We will never know why it happens...but we do know that the God of the universe....who knows our tears, is holding us in His tender loving grip as we pick up the pieces and rebuild our lives, our dreams, our future.

The songs I chose for Leah's memorial service were all so special to us...this one is for you (my dear friend traveling the road I wished you would never have to travel. Please remember that you are not on this road alone. For it is at this time in your life that you will only see one set of footprints. Because the Lord Jesus is carrying you...in his tender arms.)
This song, Come to the Father is by Hillsong
Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only Son
Everything was done
So you would come

Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come

Our daddy ROCKS!!

Look at what are wonderful, fabulous, awesome daddy is building the girls in the back yard!!







The most amazing "stump house". It's a stump house because rather than build it too high up in a tree, Tim decided to build it on a stump. 3 feet off the ground, this house is set to bring many fun memories for our girls! Thanks Tim!! We LOVE you so much! Thanks for taking such great care of your girls (mommy included:)

And....

Just a little cousin love :) The girls were loving on their baby cousin Brianna this weekend!




Many wishes for a 'JOY'filled day!!!

Choosing JOY!

I am choosing JOY! Choosing to pal around with my friend JOY. Choosing to let her into my life, into my thoughts, into my words, into my actions, into my heart. I want her to be reflected in the way I am perceived by others. So, why is it so hard to choose JOY?!?! Why do we desire to live a life filled with bitterness, rudeness, shortness, and frustration. As I walk out the door every morning I make a vow to choose JOY. To go out of my way to make the world a better place for someone...anyone....because after all we don't know the pain and heartache behind their eyes. We don't know the difference a little effort, a little flexibility on our part would make in their life. Yet, if we just wake up every morning with the attitude that we are going to choose JOY, then we will be bound to touch a life, a broken heart, a lost soul. So, why is it so hard? It is so hard, because you must remind yourself three thousand times to choose JOY. The first bitter person you run into, the first disgruntled person you meet....you have to rise above, you have to remember that you chose JOY.

Right now at school, we have devoted our year to integrating the Fruit of the Spirit into our classrooms and our culture. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. 9 simple concepts. 9 was to bring JOY into your life. 9 fruit to share with others. 9 was to make your day a whole lot brighter. And yet, for each fruit you will encounter a ton of obstacles...a ton of irritable people who find you to be annoying. It is at that moment that I have decided to call upon my Savior, to ask him to give me the strength to overcome those obstacles; to avoid the bitterness, grumpiness, anger, frustration, and ugliness....because I am going to choose JOY. And I am going to do it first and foremost because my God calls me to....because I want to be like Jesus, because I want to honor my daughter Leah Faith Davis in my every day life. Because I want to be a joy-filled person. Because I want to be like that one person who reached out to me...gave me a little flexibility when my heart was broken...my joy was lost...my anguish to big to bear. Because nobody likes to be around a grumpy, inflexible person. Because every Joy filled day is a great day!! Because my children deserve to be filled with JOY. Because IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!! So, pulled yourself out of it....grab a little Joy, walk out your door, and spread it around. The greatest thing about JOY is the more you share the more you get back in return! SOOOOOO...
HAVE A JOY-FILLED DAY!!