WOW!!

WOW!! What a week...and amazing, fabulous, joy-filled week!! I feel so blessed to call me family...my family! I have the most amazing husband and the most beautiful girls. My heart fills with both joy and tears every night when my two girls say their prayers...their prayers which include their angel sister Leah. Every night they pray for Leah and send their kisses to heaven! I am so grateful for their love for their sister...and their faith in our Lord which gives them the knowledge that our Leah Faith is dancing with Jesus in heaven!! AND...my fabulous hubby just gets hotter and more fabulous by the day!! Yesterday he granted me the greatest gift of all...the gift of a day in the "City" with 3 of my fabulous girlfriends...at the "O-You" seminar put on by Oprah's magazine "O". We got to see Nate Berkus and Stacey London...two people I love!! THe grand finale was a visit from Oprah!! The day was absolutely amazing!! And it re-fueled my spirit...my soul...my energy!! Oprah spoke about the need for us to embrace our paths...our journies... THat is so difficult...yet so necessary for optimal healing! I pray that the Lord can enable me to embrace my path...embrace my journey...embrace my road...embrace my pain...embrace my sorrow...embrace my healing!!!!

Ella and Caroline are absolutely amazing!! THey are growing by the minute...changing by the second...and filling every second of our lives with LOVE!!

Here are a few pictures of our past week :)

Today

Today is the day...

Today....

Today is...

~ National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day ~

Today I begin my day the same as I begin all others...thinking of my sweet girl... Please join me in remembering my daughter Leah Faith Davis...Please take a moment out of your day to spread a ray of sunshine, to share a smile of joy, to love a heart that is broken....today is the day to honor my daughter!!

The road we travel...

Do you ever wonder how you ended up on this road...do you ever look back at your life and try to pick out the turns...the lane changes the interstates that you hopped on...that took you to the road you are traveling??

I do....all the time....I wonder, how did I get here...what stops did I miss by taking this road...who would I have run into if I had stayed on that interstate...or exited at a different exit...or turned left instead of right. I am so thankful for my life...yet it comes with sacrifices...a daughter I will never know...a brother who I will never talk to...a dad who is lost to me forever... and yet despite the pain of a stillbirth, a suicide, an alcohol induced death...I am thankful! Thankful for what I do have!! I have two of the most amazing parents, who love me to the ends of the earth...and more importantly who love my husband and children to the ends of the earth as well. I am so grateful that I can call them my best friends. I have the most amazingly loving, supportive, nurturing, patient, involved husband and father of my three amazing girls. I have the three most fabulous daughters who love me for being me and accept me for my goofiness and quirkiness!! I have 2 brothers who pick me up when I am down...who rescue me when I need rescuing...who carry me when I need carrying....and then I have my family by marriage. They have loved me and accepted me into their family without rules or reservations. They brought into this world the most amazing man and they shared him with me without limits... and for that I am eternally grateful. And then there are my friends and extended family. You carried me when I could not walk. You held my hand when the journey was too scary. You loved me when I felt broken. You guided me when I was lost. I am so thankful for my life...for the good times and the bad...Life is one big GPS system...with all of us following our own map. The difference is...whose voice do you listen to? Is it God's? I like to think that I am following God's voice as I navigate life...as I cruise down the road hitting my speed bumps and pot holes. Yet I know that sometimes my faith starts to waver...starts to question this journey...starts to wonder why God chose this path for me. It is that those times that I return to the words written in scripture...."For God works for the Good..." My sweet Leah Faith Davis...you are my good...my heart...my faith...my hope. Not a day goes by that you are not in my thoughts...my heart....my soul. I am so frustrated that I cannot hold you right now...that I cannot kiss your sweet cheeks. I will never fully understand why you were mine for only a moment....I will love your forever...as long as I am living my baby you will be!!

Growing Pains....

They don't call them growing "pains" for nothing!! Last weekend I spent an AMAZING 2 days at the Women of Faith conference with some fabulous friends. 2 days filled with Hope, Grace, Faith, and Love. 2 days filled with the Spirit of Christ...2 days filled with growing pains!! My favorite verse in the bible is Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. This is one of the verse we selected to have read at our sweet Leah's memorial service. This is the verse I reflected upon following 9/11. This is the verse I read when my heart hurts, when my hope feels lost, when the pain feels unbearable. Why, because Romans 8:28 is filled with hope, faith, love....HOPE!!! After listening to the amazing testimonies of the speakers, the beautiful voices of the singers, and watching the love for Christ that swelled out the doors at the stadium, I was reminded of Romans 8:28. All things work for the good of those who love Christ....ALL THINGS...the painful things, the scary things, the uncomfortable things, the joyful things, the happy things, ALL THINGS. The one thing that is purposefully missing from this verse is any reference to these things being pain-free....because we all know that with growth comes the growing pains. I do not know why my baby girl was born into heaven...I do not know why I never got to hear her cry, feel her heartbeat, see her breath, kiss her warm skin...I don't know why I have to walk this path....but what I do know is that God works for the good...that ALL things work for the good....And I am SOOO thankful for that!! So thankful for Christ in my life...so thankful that I am not dealing with the growing pains alone!!

Why are growing pains so stinkin' painful?!?! When do we stop growing?? Of course I know the answer to that...NEVER! As a teacher I know that...as a mama I know that...as a christian I know that...but sometimes I just wanna throw up the white flag and surrender...for the wrong reasons. I do need to surrender...but instead of surrendering because I quit, I need to surrender my life to God...to turn it over to him and ask him to lead me, guide me, support me, love me. Sometimes the growing pains are unbearable. Sometimes they make us feel bad inside. Sometimes they hurt beyond words. Sometimes they make us feel inadequate, unloved....scared. But I do know that those growing pains are the times in our life when we need to turn our lives over to Christ because God works for the good...those growing pains are for good!!! Because after all, when we stop growing we stop living....and I got a lot of living left to do :)

Yippee!!! I'm gonna have a sister....

in-law!!! My wonderful brother asked his beautiful, fabulous, loving, caring, awesome girl to be his wife. in the happiest place on earth. and of course, she said YES!!!! I am so happy for both of them and look forward to enjoying MANY years together with them...growing old...and taking care of our even older parents :):) Welcome to the family Susan! We love you and I am so excited to call you my sister!!

The HAPPIEST place on earth!!!

That's where my girls are...not here with their mama. Nope. Not lying in their beds, snug as bugs in a rug. Nope. Not nestled in the warmth of my bed, kicking me all night. Nope. Nope. Nope.

They are in the HAPPIEST place on earth. The place where 'dreams come true'. They are basking in the love and attention that only 2 people can really provide. They are getting their morning, afternoon, and evening love from none other than....the best...greatest... happiest...most joyful individuals...




Oh yeah!!! That's right....my girls are in Disneyland with their grandma and papa, getting some great lovin' from the most adorable mouse in the world!!

And while they are running around with rodents...I am sitting here heartbroken that I am not getting to witness the wonder and joy in their eyes, the scqueel and delight in their voices, the enthusiasum and energy in their steps...the love in their heart. And yet I know that to have denied them this experience would have been selfish. There are many times in my life when I have been and am selfish. Many times where I put my needs before others...when I think only of myself... That day, March 20, 2008, has taught me that it is not all about my wants and needs. We have no idea the plans the Lord has for us...the path He has chosen for us...so we must find the love, joy, and beauty of every moment we experience. To make my girls stay home because of me...would have been to rob them of the love, joy, and beauty of these moments...of the joy, wonder, excitement that comes from visiting the 'Happiest Place on Earth!' and I know that I do not want to allow my selfishness to impede their journey and joys....because it is not about me....although I do wish sometimes that it was ;)

Please keep my family....my babies in your prayers this week! Pray for them to have a safe, healthy, and meaningful vacation with their grandparents...and pray for my anxiety as I trust in the Lord with all of my heart!!

I love you sweet girls....my kind hearted Ella Christine, my spunky Caroline Grace, my heavenly Leah Faith...your mama loves you with all of her heart, soul, and mind!!!