Where there is Hope....there is FAITH....

It is amazing to me...the moments in our lives where God whispers and we can't hear because....well....because we are just to DAMN busy running here and there and everywhere!! I have been there, am often there, will be there again....
BUT, I am trying, and learning, and trying, and learning to be...to let go of the busyness and be. and listen for those God whipsers...those whispers of hope and whispers of faith. I have wondered soooo many times over the past 13 months...Why?? Why did you think I was strong enough to lose my baby? Why did you think that I could handle it? Today I found my answer. Today, in a 5 minute cell phone converstation it struck me.... God knew I could handle it because He ever so carefully placed into my life people who would help me on my journey, help me find hope when I was hopeless, faith when I questioned, the path when I was lost....friends who when I was broken, lost, in need, they were there to help me on the journey. He knew my whispers of faith were going to be a journey...a life lesson....a forever moment.

Because, Today I talked to a friend, a friend who should be questioning, should be yelling, should be angry, should be in a WHy Me phase....and she wasn't. Because she has a faith that can move mountains, a faith that can heal hurts, a faith that can fill voids, a faith that endures forever. And I realized....that God placed me on my path 13 months ago so that I could walk with her....one week after the shocking loss of her mommy. And for that, I am thankful. For that, I am grateful. For that, I am hopeful. For that, I am faithful.

My prayer for myself, and for all of my dear friends and family is that we can stop, look, and listen to the whispers of faith, the hope and love that our Lord gives us everyday, and in many unforseen avenues.

I Can Only Imagine....

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

I can only imagine


Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

This song by Mercy Me has always been so special to me....and yet at the same time so hard to listen to. I can only imagine the homecoming we each get in heaven when we are welcomed into His kingdom...and yet at the same time, the party in heaven is balanced out by the tears we feel here on earth. To be happy and joyful is hard...to know that the Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy...to know that God works for the GOOD in ALL things....to know that though I walk through the valley of the shadow and death I shall fear no evil, to know that at my weakest point the Lord Jesus is carrying me....to know that HIS every plan is perfect....to know that when my heart aches beyond comprehension the Lord is holding me in His arms....

to know that when my loved ones go to heaven the Lord is waiting with open arms...and saying Welcome Home my child, welcome home....


Today, the Lord welcomed home an amazing person...a faithful servant...a follower of His who vowed to make this world a better place....who work tirelessly to reach out to those who were weary and lost...who loved the Lord our God with all her heart, with all her soul, with all her mind...

Today, the Lord said, Welcome home my child, welcome home my good and faithful servant...welcome home my darling...I have been waiting for you. And with that He scooped her into His arms and said...thank you for being my angel on earth. Thank you for taking the time to grow an amazing family. Thank you for taking the time to welcome each and every new face into your church community. Thank you for sharing MY word with others, thank you for being a faithful daughter...thank you for loving, learning, reaching, touching, giving, sharing, showing, guiding, living...and loving all in My name....

Today, April 17, 2009, the Lord opened His arms and welcomed home a beautiful woman...a daughter, a sister, a mother, a wife, a grandmother, an aunt, a friend, a christian...He welcomed home a ROSE....



Lord, may Rose's family feel your love, your peace, your comfort...may their faith in YOU provide them with the hope they need to find joy in their lives and in the life of their Rose....

Uncertain times....

I always knew I wanted babies...lots of them!! I always knew I wanted more than two..... And so with that Tim and I set out to grow our family. Each pregnancy was increasingly worse than the last one....horrible debilitating sickness morning, noon, and night. For the last two pregnancies (Caroline and Leah, I spent much of the first 20 weeks either over a toilet bowl or laying on the couch. Not fun for me, not fun for my hubby, not fun for my girls....yet inside I always knew this shall pass...it is only temporary and the reward far exceeds to the costs. And then came Leah, and I felt the reward did not exceed the cost, which sent me into a cost analysis mode!! So, I have spent the last 4 months coming to terms with the fact that we will be a family of two living children, that my body will no longer carry another growing baby, that I will be forever grateful for the blessings in my life and focus my energies on loving and enriching those blessings. I came to terms....and I started focusing on my own fitness endeavors, trying to gain control over myself and my need to exercise. And so the running started....always wondered when it would...knew I had it in me as my mom is a "crazy" runner.... I like who I am becoming, love the running, love the changing body...and yet with each step of solitude I experience on my runs, I am thinking...thinking of my babies, my girls here on earth, my baby in heaven, my unborn children I dream of.... and at the same time I think of the road I am on, the person I am becoming...and I am not sure those are the same road. Babies to the left, runners to the right.... I was moving to the right, signed up for my first 1/2 marathon, gave away most of the baby crap...

And then....I held my nephew...and those feeling I keep stuffing down inside...those feelings of I am not done...those feelings of longing for my baby...
They came bubbling back up the surface...

Crap...

Which fork in the road...left or right.....