Lost in Space

Oh my gosh....almost one month...one month with no words...no sharing....no reaching...no blogging....I have been lost in space....

Yesterday Tim and I loaded the girls in the car and headed down to Monterey for an impromptu trip to the Aquarium. The last real pictures I have of myself pregnant with my Angel Leah were taken almost one year ago at the same aquarium. Traveling without a stroller felt weird...I was suppose to be there with my three girls, and instead I was there with my two girls, holding their hands, while I held Leah in my heart. I was not prepared for the feelings that overcame me throughout the aquarium. Maybe it was because I intentionally purchased a family pass last year with the intention of enjoying it with my 3 kiddos, or maybe it was knowing that it was the place of the last big outing I took while pregnant with Leah....I just don't know...
After enjoying the amazing aquarium and eating a tasty lunch, we headed over to Starbucks so Tim could get his coffee fix. While the girls and I waited for daddy, we wandered around for a little window shopping. I stumbled upon a store that sold beautiful "sayings". My eye was struck by one picture frame....and I could not leave the store without it...

"Sorrow looks back....
Worry looks around....
Faith Looks Up"

It now hangs in my dining room, to remind me of my FAITH, my belief, my knowledge that the Lord of all, my amazing, wonderful Savior does not waste pain!! Every single step, every single moment, every single tear, every single breath was designed by HIM, and has a PURPOSE!! Sometimes I wish that God did not need to give me a "purpose"...but He trusted my strength, He trusted my faith, He trusted my support system....and I try to remember that....but boy oh boy IT IS HARD!!

3 weeks ago I started the Lose it Big competition at the gym!! Supported by 2 amazing women, I am on the BLUE team, working off the weight and gaining a new understanding of my inner strength. This experience is HARD....it calls upon my every muscle, every bit of strength and tenacity. This morning we met at the local high school track for our 2 hour workout. A few of our tasks required us to sprint and jog on different portions of the track. At one time, I was so exhausted...so out of strength, out of stamina, out of energy, out of passion...and as I neared the finish line, Missy (my coach) told me to go for the extra credit and to sprint the straight away (after the finish line!?!?!) I really wanted to quit....I was ready to quit...and yet her energy, her motivation, her spirit, her believing in my gave me the strength, stamina, energy, belief that I could DO IT!! And at that moment, I got it....the Lord believes in me, He knows I have it in me to make it PAST the finish line...to give it my all, even when I want to quit. And my amazing, beautiful, precious LEAH FAITH DAVIS has filled me with that strength, stamina, energy, and tenacity to take another step forward, to reach a little higher, to run a little faster, to reach out to others...My hope is that I can be the cheerleader, the support, the coach to others...that I can be there (like Missy and like our AMAZING LORD) when others feel like giving up!!

Just remember...YOU CAN DO IT!!! You can do it...because you NEVER, EVER, EVER do it alone...because it is at those most difficult, most painful, most hopeless times that our FATHER carries you in His arms.....

And because of Him, because of Leah....I will rise again tomorrow, lace up my shoes and run...even though I won't feel like it....because I know I can DO IT!!