A beating heart.....

A beating heart..... a sign of life.....

something that was lost for my sweet angel Leah. Something I think about each and every day....with each glance at my other two wonderful daughters.

A beating heart..... a sign of life.....

something that I am just not sure will ever be inside my uterus again. Something I think about each and every day....with each glance at my three wonderful daughters.

Something that I miss so much.....
something that gives me anxiety, saddness, fear..... and yet
something I am just not sure I can be a part of again.

And yet, I sit back and watch, listen, celebrate the births of so many wonderful babies.... and my heart rejoices for their lives, for their families, for their futures....and my heart aches for my loss, for my family, for Leah's lost future.

And once again, I will wake up with the weight of MY world on my heart and mind as I yet again attempt to decide....do we try again....do we put our heart out on the line, again.....

A beating heart...a sign of life....
all I ever wanted, all I lost, all I dream of, all I long for, all I am afraid of.